Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas eve surprise...

Well, Santa decided to stop by the house while the girls were still awake to give them one of there presents. Santa peeked his head by the window and Eva spotted him and went running for the door to let him in.. Kia on the other hand screamed and went running to me, far far away from Santa..

This is the look of a little girl not wanting Santa to come in..
I was shocked at how Eva just went right to Santa and talked with him and gave him a hug.. Ofcourse he did have a present in his hand.. :)
It took Kia a few minutes of getting close then running back to me.. Getting close.. running back.. but ohhhh she wanted that present.. so finally she was brave enough to get close enough to snag the gift then come running back far away from Santa to start opening.. (she kept one eye on Santa though to make sure he was not getting to close)

Oh... Kia was getting brave when she could not get the present open.. She followed her sisters lead and asked Santa for a little help..
Both girls got Tinker bell Jammies with robes that lite up!!
OK.. good try Santa.. That is as far as she got.. Santa was just not going to get a full hug.. She came running back to me..
Both girls watched as Santa had to go deliver gifts to other boys and girls!!Bye Bye Santa.. I am pretty sure Kia was happy to see him go though.. Look at her face!! Too funny..

Later on that night Eva was still talking about Santa and asked if he was coming back.. Kia would look at the door in Horror..

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Holiday Remembrance Gathering



WHAT THE CATERPILLAR
CALLS THE END OF LIFE
THE MASTER CALLS THE
BUTTERFLY.
This year Todd and I decided to go to the Holiday Remembrance Party at the Peace House in Portland. This is part of Brief Encounters. We get an ornament every year for Zoey.. Each year is a different kind.. I loved this years ornament.. Maybe some day they will have the dragonfly.. In the past it has been the star with baby hands.. star with baby feet.. a star with a heart.. and I think a heart with a star. I love the fact that they change them each year and have a different meaning to each one. It has been two years since I have gone to the holiday party.. I had forgotten how emotional it can be. I was not prepared to cry for 2 hours straight. But that is ok.. In Between all the poem reading and singing, they say each baby's name and ring a bell and light a candle.. It was great to hear Zoey's name out loud.. Then after they say the babies names the sing a short song..

Baby, I will remember you
think of you
pray for you
and when another day is thru
I will remember you.

So many poems touched my heart that night.. This is one that stood out to me..

I'M NOT SORRY THERE WAS YOU.

I'm not sorry there was you.

I'm not sorry for all those joyful days of anitcipation
and planning when we learned we had conceived you.

I'm not sorry for all those dreamy days of wonderful
preoccupation with thoughts of you.

I'm not sorry for all those warm special feelings of wonder and awe
as I felt you move within me.

I'm not sorry for the excitement I watched on your
fathers face as he felt those magical "first kicks"

I'm not sorry for the ways you opened my eyes
to all that I am blessed with.

I'm not sorry that your loss inspired in me, a richer,
deeper sense of the preciousness of life and a better
understanding of what is really important.

I'm not sorry for the way in which your birth and death
pulled my family even closer together than they were before.

I'm not sorry for my ever-present sense of joy
and thankfulness when I watch your sisters.

I'm not sorry that because of your death your
father and I never take a day with them for granted.

I'm not sorry that your death has helped to increase
my sensitivity and compassion for people and their sufferings.

I'm not sorry that because of you I've been
compelled to help foster a better understanding of
pregnancy loss and what is needed by parents
experiencing it.

I'm not sorry that during your brief life
you enriched mine more than words can every say.

No, I'm not sorry there was you.

(author unknown)


There is one part of the poem I so long to be able to do.. That is to be able to have complete joy when Eva and Kia do certain things for the first time.. There is still a part of me that see's what they have done and I am happy and excited for them but then a part of me is so sad, that I will never see Zoey do those things.. I am waiting for that part of my journey in grief to come. I know it will. Everyone on this journey gets to certain places at different times. I know there will always be a part of me that thinks that way.. This year they spelled her last name wrong on the back of the ornament.. now normally I would have cried about it.. (why did they have to get hers wrong!!) but this year when I saw that.. I just had to laugh.. which was good. It was good to be able to laugh about it and not get so upset.

Ok. so I will end this blog entry with my favorite poem.. Todd wrote this about a month after zoeys death.. It is in her baby book.


A MOMENT IN TIME

I feel myself returning
to my daughter's life in my mind
and I find myself searching
for a moment in time.

In the here and now
is not where I want to be
I long to see my child
and have her here with me.

In amongst the silence
she gently enters my mind
But, some memories are fading these days
and the past is hard to find.

I try to merge the future,
the present and the past
yet, no matter how hard I try
this moment cannot last.

Before my child's presence
I was unaware what my life could be
And I look upon my future
to find you looking back at me.

I keep a hope of tomorrow
that your mother and I will hold you in our arms
And there we will live and love for eternity
happy and safe from harm.

But, your mother and I will have to stay on earth
till the day when we can climb
Up to Heaven to be with our angel
and have our own moment in time.


We love and miss you Zoey..
Merry Christmas sweet baby.


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Three days ago

Sunday.. we got snow.. By that night we had enough to go out and play a bit.. but boy was it cold... We lasted about 10 minutes... came on inside.. Then the girls wanted to go intot he back yard.. So what the heck.. We let them..
Kia soon wanted inside..
And then we had Hot Chocolate...
She enjoyed it a little tooo much!!
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Ready Eva......
Hop on Kyla..
Your squashing me...!! Giggle Giggle
And we are done... Good ride.!
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Let is snow.. and snow.. and snow

Jen and the kids came over today to play and have lunch.. Our little walkway that we cleared out all the gravel from... and did not complete the project.. (good thing) cause it is the perfect little hill that picks up spead and lets the girls fly down it..


Kia... just looking at the girls... Crazyyyyyy girlllllssssss!!!! She would not wear gloves.. her poor hands were icicles!!
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Friday, December 12, 2008

Last project!! DONE!

Oh my gosh.. when I started this project.. (back in Oct.) I thought it would be easy as pie!! Well I dont make Pie either!! So this one took me forever.. I saw this idea at the portland market.. (why the had childrens books with black leather for adults.. I dont know) but I thought it would be a cute idea for christmas.. I had my work cut out for me.. Poor Eva's was my test one!! It has a lot of "things" wrong with it!! but It still looks ok. I finally had to change how I put them together and the last way worked out beter.. Not sure how long they will hold up!
To put in them I made a travel Felt board. All the tiny itty bitty pieces I had to cut out took FOREVER!! I was sooo very happy when I finished the last cut out. Then came the decorating and embelishing a few of the pieces.
Each set has one girl with about 4 outfits.. and some misc. stuff..
Next year I will remember to take on a little easier projects!! But I cant wait for the girls to open these..
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Quilts

I decided the girls needed bigger quilts.. It is time to put up the baby quilts that we have.. So I made each girl a bigger quilt along with a matching quilt for their dolls... I have my mom making doll clothes for dolls that were my grandmothers.. She was a collector of dolls!! She made a lot of them herself. So I asked my dad to dig them out of his garage and choose two.. He is going to make them both cradles for christmas.
ofcourse the horse quilt is Kia's (notice the brown backing!! LOL) And Eva's is the "princess/ballerinas".. I waited in line of about 90 people on black friday at Joanns to get this material!! I dont think KC will go with me next year to joanns.!! LOL
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Christmas Tags

Ok.. so this year we are trying to make a lot of our gifts and other things.. So I decided to make a few gift tags this year.. Since I did just get a new scrapbooking machine.. I had to put it to use.. These are three demensional gift tags.. That can also be used as ornaments!! I used coasters for the base of them.
I know a special little girl who is in love!! with Belle.. So I made sure hers had belle on it!
And then this is what the back looks like.
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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Thank you Tina!!

I have always wanted to do one of these.. And thanks to my Awesome friend Tina we were able too. She gave this to us to do with the kids.. I promised I would let the kids do it!! LOL And they did.. Not to bad....
Again, they enjoyed eating the candy more then decorating the house with it.. but once they got the idea.. they went to town.

This is the completed house.. Pretty neat!!
Thanks Tina... You are truly a great friend.. Now.. blog yours.. I am waiting to see pictures of it!! :)
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Meeting Santa

Todds work has a kids xmas party every year.. this is the first time we have gone.. The girls got to do crafts, eat a ton of cookies and get a present from santa..

I was shocked eva got this close to Santa. She told him she wants a princess car...
Kia was going to have nothing to do with this man!! But todd managed to get her close to him.. The present helped a bit!! LOL
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Aunties surprise

Auntie KC brought over a tree for the girls to have in there room.. Well I guess in Eva's room.. which lets face it they really share both rooms.. and since it would only fit in Eva's room. It went into hers. It has princess ornaments on it.. and we dug out some other ones for the girls to put on it. I also found the 101 dalmation stuff I had a long long time ago.. I am pretty sure they are from McDy's.. (dont ask) anyway, I pulled them out of the xmas box and put them under the tree.. The girls have been going nuts over them.. who knew 10 years later they would find a place.

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